When depression is the loudest voice, it's tough to focus on anything else. When I was a teenager, I didn't truly love myself, and wanted to hurt myself. Ok, I wanted to die. I couldn't understand why life felt and seemed so difficult for me. Now as a grown woman, I love myself fully, but life is still difficult because instead of feeling pain once a week, every month... I'm feeling pain 24 hours a day, every day. I still want to die sometimes, but trying to strengthen my faith I know it's wrong, also I can't do that to my mom. She attempted suicide and God kept her here with me, so I won't leave her, but it's hard at times. I relate to someone who's in prison, because just like them, I can't be free. I can't be free of this pain, just as they wake up everyday looking at four walls, I do the same instead...Everyday I wake up with pain, sometimes the same pain in my body, If I'm lucky it will have moved. At times all through the night, I feel this pain. My entire day is nothing but feeling the pain in my body. It takes every bit of energy I have to do anything, and mentally it's draining. All people are concerned about is why they don't see me anymore, they say I need to get out more. I get out, but when I get back in, I still feel the same way, and depending on what I did when I went out, I feel worst. There's times when all I want is the pain to go away, I want to do whatever to make it go away. But it never will... I take something for the pain and if it works, doesn't last long and the pain is back even stronger. I'm afraid of overdosing, so I don't want to take anything, or take something that will just cause more damage down the line. Mentally the devil tries to take ahold of me, but my God is Real and through my pain He Strengthens me, allows me to find the positive throughout all the negative. In depressive times, I always look for a bright light in the dark room. Sometimes it's a very tiny dot of light, and I focus on it, soon that tiny dot grows and shines upon me, and for that moment I feel some relief.
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Do you have a proverbial clock dashing "12:00"? IT IS TIME One day you will wake up and realize you have ran out of time. How about setting that clock and get to completing those goals. No matter what, there is always at least one thing to be thankful for. There are always worst problems, that you could be facing. I dislike the problems in my life, but everyday I am thankful to not have anymore than I do and that in do time they do end. For problems in life that are going to always be there, like illness, there are many that can be named. My own are Anxitey, Depression, and Fibromyalgia. These have been problems for me my entire life, but have brought me wisdom and strength. I am truly thankful for the problems I don't have. Even though I know if God puts anything on me, it's for reason, lesson, test of faith. I will never turn against Him. Through my pain, He loves me that much harder. In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly. (Job 1:22 KJV)
Mentally depression can make you find every negative aspect in every situation, but it's up to you to keep fighting against those negative thoughts. I find that thinking of LOVE is all it takes. Thinking of the ones you love and the ones that love you. Love is truly healing. As much as you may think everyone would be better without you, there are people who wouldn't be anything without, they need you. I pray that everyone suffering finds peace within themselves and knows that we must make it through this hell on earth now to see our paradise in heaven later. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you. (Philippians 4:8-9 KJV) The lesson I learned is that you can't get by, by waiting. You have to help along to make things happen. The one thing stopping you will always return. Yesterday it began raining while I was out, so I decided not to stop anywhere else, went ahead back to the house. Woke today wanting to go to the store, because I needed some things. Getting up and dressed, out the door, down the road, and while waiting at a traffic light it starts to rain. Yes the one reason I put off last night stopping at the store, today It still ended up being what was in front of me. Many things may be in our way, but when there's a will; there's a way. Our God makes a way out of no way. Don't allow the storms to stop you. |